WHY I FELT BRIE WAS IN THE WRONG CENTURY

Fresh – Slowly blended egg whites and EVOO create fresh Homemade Mayonnaise. 

Mayo – Hellmann's Real Mayonnaise.

Real – Kraft Real Mayonnaise.

Whip – Miracle Whip Salad Dressing.

No Fat – Hellmann's Fat Free Mayonnaise.

Free – Kraft Fat Free 1,000 Island Salad Dressing.

Yellow – French’s Yellow Mustard.

Brown – Gulden’s Spicy Brown Mustard.

Dijon – Grey Poupon Dijon Mustard.

Horse – Heinz Premium Horseradish Sauce.

Oil – EVOO (Extra Virgin Olive Oil) mixed with both Red and White Wine Vinegar.

The LOT Finisher

Which includes (Lettuce – a special blend of iceberg and romaine, with slices red and white Onions plus green scallions, along with hearty slices of beefsteak Tomato’s.

The STOP Finisher

Which offers (Spinach, hearty slices of beefsteak Tomato’s, with slices of red and white Onions plus green scallions along with Pepper rings cut from red, green, orange and yellow bell peppers).

The PLOTS Finisher

That combines both the LOT and STOP finishers without double tomato's and onions. But still includes (Pepper rings cut from red, green, orange and yellow bell peppers, Lettuce – a special blend of iceberg and romaine, with slices of red and white Onions plus green scallions, along with hearty slices of beefsteak Tomato’s and Spinach).

Unless of course you want us to add double onions and tomatoes to your Bologna and Cheese Sandwich or Bologna and Cheese Club Sandwich. If so, then just ask us for the STOP/LOT finisher instead.

Then with a trip to our extra item bar for any additional items that will make your sandwich a true masterpiece. Here's where you decide what additional items that you want to go with your Bologna and Cheese Sandwich's. 

At your request, we'll toss in a teaspoon of each ingredient you choose into your favorite spread. You can select just one item or each and every item we have listed below, as the potential combinations are endless.   

Sweet Pickle Relish, Dill or India Pickle Relish, Celery, Onions (red, green and white), Tomatoes, Bell Peppers (red, green, orange and yellow) Olives (black and green), Jalapeno and Roasted Peppers. 

Then if you want to give your Bologna and Cheese Sandwich's some added kick. Just ask us to add some of our Homemade Three Pepper Paste or 3-P to your favorite spread.

If you tell us Turn up the Heat, we’ll mix in one teaspoon. But if you tell us to Set it on Fire, we’ll mix in two teaspoons. Or if you want us to Make it Burn Baby, we’ll mix in three teaspoons.  

Wearing latex gloves we remove the stems on five or six dried Chipole and Habanro peppers.

Then we slice each pepper and under cold running water to remove the seeds and membrane. And after all the peppers have been rinsed and cleaned, we cook them over a low heat in four cups of water. While their cooking, we cut the stems and tips off five or six  Jalapeño peppers, which is the third pepper in our homemade paste. Next we slice and rinse the center portion of the  Jalapeños and finely chop them for the additional item bar. Once we remove the meat from around the stem and toss it in the pot with the tips. Now we dice up about a half-cup of each red and yellow onion’s and green and red bell peppers.

When the peppers are done cooking and cooled, we place them in the blender with the onions, bell peppers, and the crushed cloves of a whole garlic bulb with a tablespoon of each of the following ingredients. Paprika, cumin, salt and course ground black pepper.

Lastly using some of the water we cooked the peppers in, we add it in slowly to our blended mix. As we're looking for the consistency of oatmeal and the ability to stick to an upturned spoon without falling off.

Once we achieve this, it's off to the fridge in a covered bowl. Where it will last about a week or until it's needed to add some extra heat to you’re favorite spread on any of our sandwiches.  

Because my ship was changing homeports in a few days and we would be stationed in Bath Maine instead of Charleston South Carolina. For a year long retrofit, upgrade and overhaul. I decided that I wasn’t going to attempt any kind of long distance relationship with Betty. Plus, since asking a girl to move with me and to uproot her entire way of life, hasn’t gone so well for me in the past.

Like when I asked Tabi, Suzan’s sister to move to Virginia with me. All I got for my trouble was “I can’t!”

And I even asked her a second time, moments later, with the same response.

Then when I asked Helen if she wanted to move to North Chicago with me, all I get beck that time was. “What the hell am I going to do in Chicago?”

Even though I had to correct her by saying, “We’ll be living in North Chicago.”

Helen’s reply was still, “Hell no!”

And lastly, when I asked Tori if she would consider moving to Seattle Washington with me, her reply was. “But Larry, I own a home here in Kenosha Wisconsin, so I can’t.”

At least with Tori, I understood a little bit more. Because she just bought her house less than a year before I asked her to move. Even still, I didn’t even bother to ask Betty if she was interested in moving to Maine with me.

Although we did have a very wonderful and exciting sex life, plus she always kept it fresh. Mostly because I never knew which hole or holes that Betty wanted me to stick my dick in, until she told me exactly where and how she wanted to get fucked.

But, no pun intended, I really did enjoy the many times that Betty allowed me help her get ready for anal sex. Because not only did I get to fill her Douche bag up with warm water, which to me looked just like a hot water bottle with a hose sticking out of one end of it.

Plus I also got to wipe off the magic wand, as Betty liked to call it, before inserting it into one of Betty’s orifices. And she even allowed me to slide it in and out of her a few millimeters at a time. Before I released the clip holding the flood of warm water at bay until after the bag was totally drained.

Then I would occasionally twist it 90 degrees from left to right too. Plus even a couple of times, Betty let me wet fuck her, as she called it. That was when the water was flowing and I would move the magic wand from her pussy to her ass and back again until the water stopped flowing.

And once, Betty let me fuck her like that until we emptied three whole bags of warm water. But the best time, was still the very first time that Betty let me use the douche bag on her. Plus at the same time, Betty used my douche bag on me. And we were washing out each others bung holes before we started fucking.

Plus I would have loved to continue being Betty’s personal douche boy. But I wasn’t even sure if she was willing to move from Historic Downtown Charleston South Carolina up to Portland Maine. Which was also the closest big city to Bath Maine, where the ship was going to be dry docked.

So rather then taking a chance on Betty saying no, I didn’t even bother to ask her. And in hind sight, which by the way is always 20/20. Was a very foolish and stupid thing to do, and was also one of my biggest regrets in life. Because if she did say yes, Betty and I still might be together and cleaning out each others bilges or soil drains today.

None the less, I broke up with her earlier today, and since I have duty tomorrow. I will get to spend my last couple of days down in Charleston South Carolina a free man. With no attachments, commitments or girlfriends, but I did get to add another ex girlfriend to my ever growing list of past lovers.

And even though Matt transferred around five or six months earlier, he left Linda here all by herself. And I could have very easily become the stalker dude that she feared. But I did the honorable thing instead, and didn’t even bother to darken her doorstep while Matt was gone. Like I did a few times, when I was in between ex girlfriends, and checked up on Gail.

But because Gail was seeing someone else, I didn’t bother to knock or let her know what I was doing. And since it was still the same dude all three times, I didn’t even bother to look her up a fourth time either. Although it sure would have been nice to get either a blow job, hand job or foot job from Gail for the road before the ship left. Oh well, too late now for a do over.

My duty day went off without a hitch. Except that I jerked off a few times to a couple fond memories of Gail. And I dreamt about the time that she had me wear a pair of jogging pants over to Matt and Linda’s house. For another action packed evening of dinner and card playing. But along the way, Gail jerked me off twice. And because of the much thinner woven cotton material, it acted more like a wick than a sponge. So most of the front of my jogging pants was stained and still wet with my spunk.

Then as I got closer to Linda and she could catch a whiff of my freshly spilled seed. Linda gave me an extra long full body hug. Plus Linda used one of her hands to actually feel the soaking wetness of my jogging pants. Along with the full fledged boner that Gail left me with underneath them. And when Linda broke her long embrace, she quickly dropped to her knees. Then she pulled my joggers down until they were on the floor and wrapped around my ankles.

Because Gail always made sure that I showed up at Matt and Linda’s house with a hard on. Even if we had to park a few blocks away to make sure that I got it up again, like we did that day. Then Linda had me jerk off for her and for a third time in about thirty minutes or so. And during dinner that night, Linda even changed our usual seating arraignments, so she was sitting next to me instead of her husband.

Then during the entire dinner, Linda had her hand inside my jogging pants while we ate. Plus I even managed to cum for Linda a fourth time and spill more of my seed inside of those jogging pants. But to read about what else transpired that evening, you’ll just have to wait for one of Gail’s later chapters titled Wet and Sticky Jogging Pants. 

Then after I busted four nuts in a row on the ship to that very fond memory, I climbed out of my rack still butt ass naked. And with my hand, chest and lower abdomen still dripping with fresh cum, I went straight to the shower.

Then by the time I finished my shower and was getting dressed for watch, my alarm clock started to go off. So after shutting it off, I finished getting dressed. Before I headed up to the Ship’s Quarterdeck to assume the midnight to zero four hundred Petty Office of the Watch.

And because I jerked off four times in a row, then stood the mid-watch, and worked the next day as well. I was way too tired to go out on our last day in Charleston South Carolina. So I decided to just stay on the ship and tried to catch a few winks instead. But even that was interrupted by another dream about a different time that Gail and I went over to Matt and Linda’s house for another evening of dinner and pinochle.

Only this time, after Linda greeted me and my current boner with another one of her full body contact hugs. Matt and Gail quickly excused themselves and went outside to look at Gail’s car again. And after driving it back and forth many times to Matt and Linda’s place, I never noticed anything wrong with her car.

But because Gail apparently did, Matt was always going out to check on it for her. And they also went out every single night that we went over there, well at least so far anyway. It also left me and Linda alone inside their house for sometimes close to an hour, if not more. Just like it did on this particular occasion.

Once Gail and Matt were outside and long before the door even closed behind them. Linda had me strip down to my birthday suit right there in the vestibule. Or what some folks up north would call a mudroom or foyer. Then Linda took my discarded clothing upstairs and only came back down with a brand new pair of pink silk panties with the price tag still attached to them.

And right there in the vestibule Linda watched me jerk off in those very same panties for her. But when I was finished, Linda also had me put those freshly soiled panties on for her too. Then she started to gently rub my cock right through the sticky and silky material until the head and most of my cock was peeking out over the top of the waistband.

As Linda slowly reached her hand inside the panties to cup by balls, she quickly flicked her wrist until the front of the waistband was directly under my balls. Now with my entire cock and balls fully exposed, Linda said. “I like that look much better than with only half of you dick showing. Now I want you to walk around the house with your cock out like that. And when you get back here, I want you to jerk off for me again.”

To read more about what else happened in this chapter, you’ll have to wait for another one of Gail’s chapters titled Hanging Out in the Hallway.

But because it was only 7 pm and still early in the evening, I decide to grab a quick shower and go out anyway. But until the warm water started cascading all over my naked body, I had no idea where to go. Then almost as soon as the water hit me, I needed to go back to the beginning and my Ancient Chinese Secret.

And I wanted some Chinese food and I’m not talking about take out either. Because I wanted an all you could eat buffet. Where I could fill my plate with General Tao’s Chicken, Orange Chicken and Sweet or Sour Chicken, then fill a bowl with Hot and Sour soup over the House Special Fried Rice.

Since I also decided that I didn’t want to spend my last night in Charleston alone, I decide to look for Doug and Allen from the deck department. Who lived one deck or level down in Ops Berthing, or in the berthing compartment where all the Operations Department personnel slept.

They were both dressed in civilian clothes and just hanging out in the lounge or where the television was and watching TV. So when I offered to take them out and buy them both dinner. And they jumped at the chance to get off the ship and grab a bite to eat in the process too. So off we went.

Speaking of getting back to basics or going back to the beginning of where it all started. Back in the neighborhood on the north side of Syracuse, we (meaning my brother’s and sister) were the only kids on my block that went to public school. The rest of them went either to catholic or were enrolled in private schools.

This was also about two or three months before Nancystarted babysitting us kids. And my parents started bowling in a mixed league on Monday nights. An older boy named Louis and I were just hanging out in an old clubhouse of mine that was built underneath the back stairs leading up to my grandmother’s house.

When Louis asked, “Fred, does your cock get hard sometimes for no reason at all?”

Not really sure where Louis was coming from and thinking to myself, for a few minutes before answering. Since my dick does get very hard quite often in school especially during my math, social studies and English classes. So I finally replied. “Yah, I guess so?”

Then Louis unzipped his fly and let his pants fall to the floor, before asking. “Does it get hard like this and have you ever rubbed it like this?”

As I stood there watching Louis jerk off in front of me, I quickly replied. “Yah, of course I have.”

Then Louis just as quickly said. “Then show me.”

After pausing for a very long moment or two, mainly because I didn’t have a boner yet. Until I finally gave up and decided to drop my pants too. Then with our pants down around our ankles, Louis and I were jerking off together. That is, until Louis reached out and touched my cock.

And at first I backed off slightly, until Louis said. “Don’t worry, I won’t hurt you and you can touch mine too, if you like.”

Then Louis reached out for my cock again, and this time. Not only was he jerking himself off, but Louis started jerking me off at the same time. And after another very long pause, I took Louis’s cock in my hand and started stroking it right along with Louis.

And while I continued jerking Louis off. After a few seconds he took his hand off his dick and concentrated on just stroking mine instead. Then we heard the back door open, so we quickly stopped what we were doing and pulled our pants back up. And a short time later, one of my brothers peeked into the clubhouse because of the noise and asked. “What we were doing?”

And Louis and I almost in unison quickly replied. “We’re just playing.”

With all the chatter and commotion over the ships 1-MC. Or the public announcing system, there was no way in hell that I was going to get any more sleep. And even though my department had absolutely nothing to do with preparations to get underway, at least in these early stages, anyway. I decided to get up anyway. And I did my daily shit and shave routine and just skipped the shower part, because I took one just a few hours ago.

Then I hoped that none of my fellow Combat Systems crew-members had the exact same idea I did. And head up to the flight deck or the fan tail early and get a good seat, because without one you simply had to stand up the entire time.

And for those of you land-lubbers out there reading this and know nothing about ships or boats. The bow or the front part is the pointy end and the stern or fantail is the flat, square, bowed or rounded part of one.

Now about these seats, there not actual chairs to sit on, more like things to sit on. Like bits, chocks, the capstan and the hatch cover that leads down to the supply storeroom. Plus there’s also the Helicopter Control Rooms Observation Tower. But we’re not allowed to sit on that anymore, ever since some knucklehead broke one of the wiper blades off with his foot.

Here’s some more navy stuff for you if you’re interested. And if not, just skip these next few paragraphs. Bits are a set of round cast steel cylinders that are use to moor, tie or hold a ship to a pier or dock by a series of figure eight and round turns.

A chock is either open or closed cast steel and is used to pass the mooring line through before it goes to the pier or dock. An open chock allows you to place a bite or any part of the mooring line through it and you have to run the bitter end, eye or loop through a closed chock in order to utilize it properly.

The capstan is a bi-directional (haul in or tighten and slack off or loosen) rotating cylinder that allows a ship to tension lines under power by a series of round turns. And a hatch is a watertight doorway or portal that allows access or egress from one room, compartment, space or level of a ship to another.

Then finally the Helicopter Control Room Observation Tower is where the off-duty helicopter pilot and co-pilot are whenever the helo is landing, taking on fuel, hovering for personal or cargo transfer and taking off. So they can see, communicate with and assist the on-duty pilot if needed.

Anyway, when I got to the flight deck, I was all alone. So I guessed that I was the only stupid sailor in the Combat Systems Department. Because there was still an hour to go before breakfast started plus an hour and forty-five minutes until we actually had to be up here for line handlers.

Line handlers are where the ship’s bo'sen mates man the bow or the pointy end of the ship. And they control, more or manipulate the three mooring lines up there, along with the ships anchor. While we combat systems folks do the same thing on the stern or flat end of the ship. But because we don’t have an anchor to deal with, some of us are sent amidships to assist the supply personnel with the breast lines.

And amidships is the center line of the ship as it runs forward to aft. Kind of like the center divider of a highway. Where one side of it is the bow or you can travel north. And on the other side of it is the stern, where you can travel south.

But I still took one if the cat-bird seats on the hatch leading down to the supply storeroom. A few of us call it that, because it’s directly below the flight deck camera and the monitor on the bridge couldn’t see it or anyone sitting on it.

And just as long as you stayed on the hatch cover or anywhere forward of it. Only the aft lookout knew that you were out there when the ship is underway.

The Aft lookout is the watch stander who stands or sits on the stern of the ship while it’s underway. And he or she is the one person who you’re suppose to count on, if you accidentally fall over the side and into the water. Plus during special evolution's like maneuvering and docking, flight quarters and underway replenishment, he or she is assisted by all of the other topside watch standers. Along with everyone else involved who is also topside during the event.

But when the ship is import, there is usually no one back here to rat or dime you out to the bridge. Also the hatch cover is about seven-feet square and can easily seat eight asses with four butts on each side.

After planting my ass down on the hatch for just a few minutes, I started thinking about how dumb I really was. And I should have at least giving Betty an opportunity to say yes or no on a move to Maine. Because if I did and Betty said yes, she would be already up there and waiting for me and the ship to arrive. Then we could have very easily picked up right were we left off. And that was giving each other an enema two or three times a week.

Then I started thinking, what the hell am I doing out here. When I could be up in the missile control house and much more comfortable and a bit warmer too, so that’s where I went. And shortly after sitting down in a much more comfortable seat with arm rests, instead of a hard steel hatch cover. I quickly drifted off to sleep.

The funny thing was that I dreamt about my van. And how after I bought it back in the post Helen days, after she refused to move to Great Lakes Illinois with me. Sheri, or my fifth ex girlfriend and overall second favorite. Was the first one to take a tumble in it.

And since I didn’t ask Betty or ex girlfriend number eighteen to move to Bath Maine with me, she just might be the last of them to have sex in my bright orange neon sign that was shaped like a Ford E-100 Econoline van. Plus she moved up to being my tenth favorite after introducing me to douche bags and enemas. And the vital role the could play in the more seedy side of sexual adventures.

Anyway, I awoke from my slumber when I heard the bo'sen or the Bo'sen mate of the watch; pass the word over the ship’s public announcing system. “Station Line Handlers”

And this in a nut shell meant that I slept though breakfast and that the ship was in the final stages of getting underway. So I headed back towards the fantail and mooring line number six, or what’s also called the stern line as it’s used to hold the stern or the back end of a ship to the pier.

But because I was slightly tardy, due to an unscheduled pit stop in the bathroom to take a piss. When I got back there, all the rat guards and frapping lines were already off of all three the mooring lines. And those lines consisted of line four, line five and line six. Not that Charleston South Carolina had a rat problem or anything close to that. 

But in some ports around the world rats are a big problem and can easily climb up the mooring lines and get onto your ship. Then they somehow find a way into your storerooms and contaminate your food supply. Not to mention what their dropping can do.

So the rat guards prevent that from happening. And are usually made from galvanized aluminum and look similar to the clear plastic cones that veterinarians put on dogs and cats. To prevent them from licking their wounds during the healing process. 

Now as far as frapping the mooring lines go. A standard mooring line consists of [x] number of feet of double braided nylon line with an eye or loop spliced in both ends. And the frapping line is usually made from just simple cotton clothesline or the monkey fists that are used to send the mooring lines to the pier.

And a ship usually sends out both eyes when mooring but can also send a bite down to the pier or dock while mooring instead of the second eye. And a bite in a line is any part of the line that does not contain or consist of a bitter end or an eye. But either way, it’s still called doubling up the lines. And frapping the mooring lines just binds both or all three lines into one single line and presents a much sharper appearance.

As the rising or falling tides, along with the current can move a ship slightly, the mooring lines also adjust to that movement. And can cause more slack in one line over the others. But this can be prevented by frapping the mooring lines together using either the half hitch method or the criss-cross method, a.k.a. the X method.

While the half-hitch method requires someone to actually shimmy down the mooring line and place a half-hitch in the frapping line every couple of feet. The criss-cross method can be easily applied by someone who is simply standing on the pier. By using a series of X’s crossed both above and below the mooring lines. And hence the criss-cross or X method. 

And a ship usually sends out six to nine mooring lines depending on the tides, current and winds expected while the ship is tied to the pier or dock. These lines consist of a bow and stern line and are used to hold the bow or the stern of the ship to the pier. With line one for the bow and line six for the stern.

Along with two forward spring lines, used to prevent or restrict forward movement. And these lines are line three for the bow and line five for the stern. Then there are two after spring lines used to restrict or prevent aft movement. And on the bow its line two, while on the stern its line four. 

The ship can also send out a breast line, used to help hold the ship against the pier or dock. Along with forward and aft storm Houser’s that are thicker lines. And are used to prevent or restrict the ships movement during much higher winds and stronger currents or storms, hence the name, Storm Houser.

Anyway, after getting to the flight deck and getting my ass chewed out for being late. Word came down from the pilot house or the bridge via sound powered phones. A modified or upgraded version of the string and can communication system that most of us played with when we were kids.

To single up all lines, me along with the other little fantail or flight deck bees. Quickly started buzzing around and taking the turns off the bits to provide enough slack, so the pier line handlers could start sending the lines back to the ship.

Then once that was accomplished, we all waited with baited breath for the next command to come down from the bridge. And that was to either take in all lines or take in all lines except for line six. As the ship sometimes kept line 6 or the stern line attached to the pier. In order to use it a pivot point to get the bow pointed at the proper angle before removing that line too. But today, it was take in all lines.

Then the Boatswain Mate of the Watch passed last line over the 1-MC or the ship’s public announcing system. And that meant that the last line was off the pier and the ship was free to maneuver, or the tugs could start moving the ship. Also with last line passed, we were officially heading out of Charleston South Carolina.

And the harsh reality of me never returning to Charleston was really starting to settle in. Because I was due to receive new orders around the time that our shipyard upgrade and retrofit was supposed to be completed.

Plus not only was I leaving part of me behind, meaning my bright orange neon sign that was shaped like a Ford E-100 Econoline van. I was also starting to really have regrets about not at least asking Betty to move up to Maine with me. Because trying to find a new girlfriend or fuck buddy was getting harder and harder with the past few ex girlfriends that I’ve hooked up with.

And every once in a while you have to clean out the basement, the attic or the garage just to get rid of any skeletons lingering around. And by me changing home ports without any baggage or a girlfriend was a good start. Plus by getting new orders while the ship was up in Maine, it was almost like getting two spring cleanings in the same year or at least a couple of do-over’s.

Even though I only went out Cupping with Darren once in Charleston, or out hogging as other chubby chasers called it. I only went with him because I was in between ex girlfriends and was looking for an adventure. Plus he kept bugging me to go out with him again while we were up in Maine. Darren was the GMG2 or Gunner’s Mate Guns Second Class who replaced Matt on the Gun side of the House, while I was still in charge or the Missile side.

But Darren didn’t like to play cards, so I had to hook up with Edgar a FC2 or Fire Controlman Second Class as my new Spades and pinochle partner instead. But Darren was heavily into chubby chasing. And when he went out, everyone with him would each kick in twenty bucks and whoever picked up the largest woman also won the kitty.

And the winner was declared by which woman could displace the most water in a bathtub, hence the word cupping. Or what Darren liked to call chubby chasing. If they displaced one cup of water, they were a pretty heavy woman. And a five cupper was a much slimmer or lighter one.

Now to be perfectly honest with all of you out there reading this, it is nearly an impossible feat to accomplish. Because by simply pouring cups of water in a bathtub and watching that water splash over the sides when a woman got in. Could never happen in real life, but in Darren’s sick and twisted mind it could.

So everyone in on the bet kicked in twenty bucks a piece and was allowed to judge who actually hooked up with the largest woman. And that was accomplished by the size of her souvenir panties. Plus they also had to look like they were actually worn too. And not right off the shelf or out of the package. So skid marks, whether they were brown, red, yellow or white help sway the decision. Especially if the looked fresh. Instead of just taking the guys word for it.

And just for the record and many years ago too. Emily was the largest girl that I ever dated and who I had the most fun with. Plus that one night in Charleston when I went out with Darren, I didn’t win because he did. And as a matter of fact, I didn’t even find anyone interesting enough that night to talk to or just hang out with either.

So I seriously doubted that I would ever go out cupping with Darren again. But who knows, a new port can always lead to new prospects or opportunities. That is, unless the dating pool has run dry or I needed another adventure fix. And as the ship headed out of Charleston harbor and South Carolina, we were on our way to our next stop along the way.