X-RATED CHRISTMAS CAROLS

On the first day of Christmas,

My true love sent to me

A partridge in a pear tree.
 

On the second day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
 

On the third day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
 

On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
 

On the fifth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
 

On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
 

On the seventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
 

On the ninth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
 

On the tenth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
 

On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve drummers drumming,
Eleven pipers piping,
Ten lords a-leaping,
Nine ladies dancing,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans a-swimming,
Six geese a-laying,
Five golden rings,
Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves,
And a partridge in a pear tree!

Suzan was my first

ex girlfriend who shared with me

An open house for a snatch.
 

Helen was my second

ex girlfriend who shared with me

Two flashing twats,

And an open house for a snatch.
 

Emily was my third

ex girlfriend who shared with me

Three lady bits,
Two flashing twats,
And an open house for a snatch.
 

Lynn was my fourth

ex girlfriend who shared with me
Four days of sex,
Three lady bits,
Two flashing twats,
And an open house for a snatch.
 

Sheri was my fifth

ex girlfriend who shared with me
Five inch dildos,
Four days of sex,
Three lady bits,
Two flashing twats,
And an open house for a snatch.
 

Gwen was my sixth

ex girlfriend who shared with me

Six feet of clothesline,
Five inch dildos,
Four days of sex,
Three lady bits,
Two flashing twats,
And an open house for a snatch.

  
Marge was my seventh

ex girlfriend who shared with me

Seven months of pussy,
Six feet of clothesline,
Five inch dildos,
Four days of sex,
Three lady bits,
Two flashing twats,
And an open house for a snatch.

Iris was my eighth

ex girlfriend who shared with me

Eight painful hand jobs,
Seven months of pussy,
Six feet of clothesline,
Five inch dildos,
Four days of sex,
Three lady bits,
Two flashing twats,
And an open house for a snatch.
 

Tess was my ninth

ex girlfriend who shared with me

Nine hours of three-ways,
Eight painful hand jobs,
Seven months of pussy,
Six feet of clothesline,
Five inch dildos,
Four days of sex,
Three lady bits,
Two flashing twats,
And an open house for a snatch.

Tori was my tenth

ex girlfriend who shared with me

Ten weekly blowjobs,
Nine hours of three-ways,
Eight painful hand jobs,
Seven months of pussy,
Six feet of clothesline,
Five inch dildos,
Four days of sex,
Three lady bits,
Two flashing twats,
And an open house for a snatch.
 

Eve was my eleventh

ex girlfriend who shared with me

Eleven weeks of crazy,
Ten weekly blowjobs,
Nine hours of three-ways,
Eight painful hand jobs,
Seven months of pussy,
Six feet of clothesline,
Five inch dildos,
Four days of sex,
Three lady bits,
Two flashing twats,
And an open house for a snatch.

Eleanor was my twelfth

ex girlfriend who shared with me

Twelve sex fantasies,
Eleven weeks of crazy,
Ten weekly blowjobs,
Nine hours of three-ways,
Eight painful hand jobs,
Seven months of pussy,
Six feet of clothesline,
Five inch dildos,
Four days of sex,
Three lady bits,
Two flashing twats,
And an open house for a snatch!

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire
Jack Frost nipping at your nose
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir
And folks dressed up like Eskimos

Everybody knows a turkey and some
Mistletoe help to make the season bright
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight

They know that Santa’s on his way
He's loaded lots of toys

and goodies on his sleigh
And every mother's Child is gonna spy

to see if Reindeer really know how to fly

And so, I'm offering this
Simple phrase to kids from One to ninety-two
Altho' it's been said many times. Many ways
“Merry Christmas to you”

My nuts hanging in your open mouth

And my dick above your eyes

With fresh cum rapidly brewing in my sack

That’s ready to paint your disguise

Though this is an odd form of oral sex
Since I can’t pussy lick you in return
Tiny spots around your eyes are cum
And you might start to feel them burn

With warm water is on its way
To wash that cum from your face

making it all feel okay
All woman should know that I’m gonna try

to always score a double cum shot bull’s eye

So, I'm offering this
simple advice for girls to always sixty-nine
So that you never stumble around

like a one-eyed Frankenstein.